I promised to post about this last week sometime because I really don’t see enough posts about the struggles people go through. I was looking through the discover page today and there are so many posts about having fun, having great skin, looking beautiful, traveling, etc. There were none about peoples journeys through hard times and I think it always makes people on the internet gain a larger sense of self when sharing these things. It helps to show others who are going through a hard time that not everything is perfect with anyones life, and I like that.
Going into high school I had bad body dysmorphia…I thought I was huge because my best friend was smaller than me. In reality I was already at the low end of my weight spectrum. However I would go a few days, as long as possible, without eating and for some reason I grew to love the dizzy, weak feeling it gave me. Whenever I would eat I would limit it to 500 calories a day because I read somewhere that it would make you loose weight very quickly. Needless to say I did loose weight pretty fast, I was under weight within a few weeks and looking like I needed a lot of R&R.
I kept going though because I kept motivating myself with online boards. There are websites that are Pro-Ana (Pro Anorexia) all over the internet and people do not realize the effect they have on people. There are collections of thousands of pictures on these websites that are ‘Thinspo’ and help motivate those with eating disorders to keep going. There are also boards where you can find other people with the same problems to help motivate you and tell you not to eat, or to exercise more; it is beyond awful. But for myself and others who had and have these disorders these boards were like a god send and I went on them everyday or every time I thought about giving up.
That was something that really contributed to my downfall into anorexia, that and my ability to hide my weight loss and mental state. That is something else I got very good at and I think many others do too. I would wear layers upon layers of clothes in order to look like I didn’t loose weight around my family and I would pile on makeup to make me look alive while also always having food by me in social situations. It is so easy for people to appear alright when really being in the worst shape of their life and that is so sad.
I decided to share my story in a few different parts because it is a long one and it has a lot of aspects within it. I will share the second part either tomorrow or Thursday. I hope this helps to show that everyone has their own problems and everyone needs help in their lives. Don’t ignore little signs even if they seem insignificant.