The Pain of Relationships

This post is a little deeper than most things I post but I have been struggling with it lately. I try to be as transparent as possible on here, and with my followers so I thought it would be a good post to do. I also know that I am not the only one who has gone through this or are going through it at this time. And honestly, any advice is welcomed…I have no idea what to do.

I think most of us have had those relationships where we think everything will be perfect and work out but most of the time it is stressing and too heavy on my mood. Never the less I have stuck with it because I know love and relationships take tons of work and I am not one to give up easily. But clearly I am reaching my limit.

I have broken up with people before and it always seems clear cut and right but this time  there is no finite decision that seems good. I have put so much work into this relationship, we’ve been through so many fights and hard times and it always seems to fix itself in the end. But for the past few months I have been feeling down and out about the relationship and about myself.

My personal everyday feelings about myself impact relationships a lot I believe because it is very hard to love someone else without loving yourself and being confident. I feel as if I don’t have my own individuality and can’t be alone; I have become too dependent.

There are a few things I have learned through this process…

  1. Never Love Hard Enough to Loose Yourself: I am looking back now and I think many people, including myself really jump into love too hard. It is great to leap and love someone but you need to keep yourself throughout this. Many people take on their partners traits too much and spend all their time with them or about them which makes you loose all of your own individuality.
  2. Fighting is Good: The quote goes “Don’t worry when I fight with you, worry when I stop because it means there is nothing left to fight for.” Every relationship has its ups and downs and that includes many dumb fights. Fighting hard and still making up and loving again is how you know you two belong together. If you didn’t it wouldn’t get fixed.
  3. Some Little Things Don’t Matter, Some Matter a Lot: So many people have told me the little things don’t matter as long as you love them. But the little things are what made me fall in love with him and what made me get to this point. He would make a surprise dinner, buy ice cream so we could just have a night in, attack me with kisses, and do any little thing to make me smile. Now he doesn’t help out with things without me asking, he changes plans so much, changes his mind so much, doesn’t rush back to see me, and doesn’t seem excited with seeing me. There hasn’t been one big thing that made me feel this way…just a million little things.
  4. Talking is Key: I am someone who doesn’t voice when I am angry and I think that voicing it would have made a huge difference in where we are now. Telling someone your feelings about something is the only way to get an outcome you like or can at least tolerate.
  5. Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough: I use to be a firm believer of if you have love everything will turn out okay. Not that I am getting cynical about love now but I realize love doesn’t save everything…there needs to be more. So many people who love each other break up because things are still just too hard. Having love means you try harder, means you try to make it work, and means your souls will always have kinship. But it doesn’t mean you are meant to be a lot of the time.

Love doesn’t save everything and that is a very depressing topic but that is something that has taken me far too long to figure out. If it doesn’t feel right end it, if it’s meant to be it will happen, don’t force anything just because of love.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s